Video Games have changed. It's good and bad.

     Christmas 1989, I was only 4 years old, but I can still tell you what I got for Christmas that year. That year, my brother and I got a Nintendo Entertainment System from my parents. (I think mainly my dad, my mom is still upset over how much time I spend playing video games.) It came with the standard 2 controllers, the Nintendo gun, and the Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt Combo game. The rest of my life growing up under my parent's roof was spent arguing with my mother about me playing too many video games. (see above statement)

Nintendo was founded in 1889 to make playing cards. They release their first video game in 1977.

    Buying video games back in the day was a risky business. There was no internet, and it was usually months before you could find any sort of reviews in print. (In Print!!!) There were lots of horrible games made. Games were released with catastrophic bugs in the code, or unintelligible game play, or sometimes just way too hard. (check out AngryVideoGameNerd on youtube for some extra-vulgar examples) 

    I had several of these titles on my shelf, stacked in the back corner of the entertainment center gathering dust. Every once in a while I would pull one out, blow out the dust, (remember when you had to blow on your video games to make them work?) and play around for a few minutes before remembering why it sucked so much and putting it back in the pile. There was a game called Dino Riki that we had for decades and I never once beat the first level. (and I'm sure I just called someone's favorite childhood game trash)

    Hundreds, if not thousands of video game companies rose and fell over the next several decades, but now the industry has settled into almost the exact format of the movie industry. We have powerhouse studios, and anything else created is considered 'indie'.(think 20th Century Fox vs Electronic Arts) The other, and largest influence on the video game industry, was the widespread availability of high speed internet.

Picture taken shortly before someone's mother got laid.

        I got in fairly early on the internet gaming craze. I played hours and hours and HOURS of Quake online. (that's Quake 1 mind you. low resolution, dial-up internet, and the peak of my FPS gaming affinity) I had a 15K dial up modem, and the bane of my existence were the LPBs (low-ping bastard, this used to be a cutting insult) from big cities that were the firsts to get broadband internet. Growing up in Butte Montana meant it was years (it felt like an eternity) before that same technology became available to us.

    When it did arrive, it turned out to be a bit of a curse. (to me personally.) My first truly high-speed connection to the internet was my freshman year of college, right out of High School. I failed out that year due to Halo and a little internet game called Gunbound. (for the whole sordid tale, see my first post)

    After failing out of school, I nursed my wounded pride with a little game called World of Warcraft. Here is a game so great, so all-consumingly fun, that it is exactly that - all consuming. WoW was, and remains to this day, the only thing I have ever been truly addicted to. There were years of my life when I would spend all day at work thinking about what I was going to do in WoW that night, and every waking moment not spent at work, playing WoW.

You owe me two years of my life back Blizzard.

    I was able to kick the habit years ago, but my wife and I still get cravings to play it. Thankfully, however, we have horrible internet at our place, and we cant run WoW on two computers simultaneously. (we tried 😔)Here is where (I think)the development of video games is both good and bad. The internet has become such an integral part of video games, that it is no longer possible to have a game that does not require internet. 

    One of my favorite parts of opening a new video game was opening the game manual and reading through your upcoming adventure. Game manuals went away a decade ago. Manufacturers decided it was much cheaper to simply put these manuals online. Now they have gone a step further. Now it isnt unheard of to leave the store, take your new game case home, open it up, and the only thing inside is a code to download the game.

    I live in a rural area, so far out of town, that the only 'high speed' internet available to me is microwave internet. (I'm in line to get starlink, but my order isn't expected until mid 2023) For those of you unawares, that means my internet connect comes from a signal a mile down the road. Days when it's raining, snowing, or just too windy, I have no internet. When I do get internet, I have to share my bandwidth with all my neighbors. It is so bad that I can't even stream a movie on Friday or Saturday nights.

    So when a new game comes out, to me it means two days worth of downloads before I get to play once. I really miss the days when the entire game arrived ready to play in the box you only had to pay for once. And industry insiders, if you are reading this, let me tell you, we all feel that way.

The Eternal Rewards of Being a Parent

     No matter your profession, no matter your success in your field, if you have children, you can't escape the job that is being a parent. It is a thankless job (in fact some day they may pay lots of money to complain about you to therapists) and it comes with unexpected trials that no one can possibly prepare you for. And if you somehow manage to prepare for trials A-Z, your kids will one day hit you with trial beta-sub-15 because you hadn't consider Apple Jacks could be weaponized.

Actually just googled 'tired parent hair'

    My kids are still fairly young. My son, Ricardo Shilley-Shalley is 6, and my daughter, Princess Buttercup is 9. (As always, names have been altered to protect the sometimes innocent) So while i dont yet have to worry about raging hormones or boyfriends with facial tattoos, I have to worry about saying "Don't touch that!" over one hundred times a day, every day.

    Sleep is precious in my house, and sleeping extra is highly dangerous. On weekends my kids will wake us up at the crack of dawn, fully clothed and hungry enough to chew through the cupboard doors to get at the food. On school mornings however, every piece of clothing they put on, every bite of cereal they take is an ordeal and a fight.

    One particular weekend, two or three years ago now, my wife and I thought it would be fine to sleep in an hour or two after the kids were up. They had access to Pop-Tarts and Netflix cartoons on a Saturday morning,  and we were in full just-five-more-minutes mode. But eventually, I had to get up to make sure the house was still standing.

    Ever come across a mess so big that you don't know where to start? I mean a mess so big you don't even get mad. A mess so unbelievably huge that you just stare, taking it in and trying to make it register. When I saw the Living Room that morning, I stood in awe for a good ten seconds, turned and went back into my room without saying a word to my kids. To my wife, I said, "Your children made a mess."

    

Yeah, like this kind of mess.

    What exactly had they done? Well, they had gotten into our pantry, taken out 4 boxes of dry spaghetti, crushed it down to confetti, and made it rain all over the living room. 

    "But why?" I hear you ask. (I know I asked that question many many MANY times that morning) Their answer, "Because it feels good when you break spaghetti under your feet on carpet."

    One of my largest regrets over the last few years is that I didn't take a video, or even a picture of the living room that morning. I will be reminding my kids of that mess for the rest of their lives, and I don't have any photographic proof of what occurred there that day.

    We spent hours vacuuming, sweeping, and disassembling furniture to try to clean up that mess. And as it turns out, we didn't even get it all. Last week, we replaced our entertainment center, and among the detritus that was underneath the old cabinets? Lots of spaghetti. 

    Next month we are finally replacing the carpet in the living room. That poor carpet has had so many spills on it. We have a 'no drinks in the living room' rule that no one follows, and Ricardo can't look at a cup of kool-aid without spilling it. (but only ever drinks that are 110% sure to leave a stain.) I expect that when we take out that carpet, we will find a lot more spaghetti.

    

Moths Are Tiny Spawns of Satan

     This is a story from several years ago, one that I shared on Facebook in just a few sentences. But it was actually the start of all of this. My father, enjoying the story so much, pulled me aside and convinced me to start writing. I told him about how I'd always wanted to be a writer, and he encouraged me to give it a go. Fast forward about three years and now I have finished my first novel, and I intend to at least finish this trilogy before I give up on a career as a professional writer.

Mottephobia - The fear of Moths

    I have a severe hangup on moths, as my wife and friends love to point out. While I've never been overly fond of them, my fear stems from my time working as a used car salesman (which is btw, the worst job in the world). During the summer the year I spent slinging Subarus there was some sort of mass-birthing event here in Butte Montana. Suddenly there were millions and MILLIONS of moths, and they stuck around for several weeks. But at night time, there would be clouds of moths around every street light in downtown Butte so thick thick that no light from the lamps could reach the ground.

    Thing was, when I arrived back at the dealership the next morning, all the cars would be covered in moths, some that had died during the night, but plenty that had just landed there and were napping. My job then became to sweep the moths off the tops of the cars.

    Here's the thing. Moths don't fly well. They zigzag haphazardly through the air and crash into whatever might be in their way, which extremely often ended up being my face. By the time I had finished brushing off two cars, I had diagnosable mottephobia, and the mere thought of sweeping off another car made me sick to my stomach.

    

Dumbest Magic: the Gathering card ever.

    I do have one friend that can relate to just how horrible moths can be, and his story is much worse. One summer night this particular friend was coming home from work. As he unlocked his apartment door, a moth careened into the side of his face, then proceeded to crawl inside his ear. He ran screaming into the bathroom and ran water into his ear, which caused the moth to dig in deeper, trying to avoid the wet. He ended up in the ER where a bemused and astonished doctor had to remove the moth forcibly with a pair of tweezers. (I was nearly sick when he told me this story) To this day, I have never seen him outside at night without a hat that covers his ears, and I do not blame him one bit.

    Fast forward to the moth story that started it all. 

    It was the tail end of summer, the leaves were starting to change, but it was still plenty warm enough that all manner of bugs were still hanging around, including moths. After work, I had some errands to do that required some cash. I pull up to my bank's ATM and roll down my window. As soon as I do, a moth comes fluttering by my open window. The sight of this one crazily flapping demon sends my fight-or-flight reflex into overdrive.

    In panic, I threw the item I was holding at the moth, trying to shoo it away. The item happened to be my wallet. It missed the moth and went flying out the open window. I had even thrown it so hard that it sped across several drive up bank lanes and scattered the contents all over.

    The moth proceeds to fly in the car and down under the steering wheel out of my sight. In further panic, I start to stamp my feet all over the floor beneath me. I had to take my foot off the brake to do this, and so while I am having this incredible freak out, my car is idling forward. (thankfully there was no one in line ahead of me.) Once I am sure that I have stomped on every inch of the floor in front of me, I threw the car into park and oh-so-carefully peek over the seat to look for the (hopefully now deceased) moth.

    Holding my breath, and pulling my shirt collar up so I can cover my face quickly should I need to, I lean forward to see....a dead leaf. I had probably the largest freak out of my adult life over a dead leaf wafting into the car. What could I do? I had to get out of the car and collect my wallet along with all of its contents while carfulls of other bank customers waited in line watching. 

    I'm not proud of it, but I did at least enjoy sharing the story for a few laughs.

It's a Great Time to be a Nerd

     Back in elementary school, I was the nerdy, awkward kid in a school full of jocks and overachievers. It was a brutal living, being bad at sports growing up. Those of us who grew up knowing sports was not our strong suit had to come up with other hobbies to occupy our recess time. I chose to spend my time reading, and playing with Magic cards. (Really old Magic cards. Like FML how did I lose those cards old.)

I always thought the alliteration of Hillcrest Hornets was fun to say.

    For a long time now, I've felt really sorry for my dad. He's a life-long jock who married a nerd, and had all nerd children. He's now in his 70s and can still whoop my ass at basketball. I once saw him play 3 rounds of 'Around the World' without missing a shot. He spent I don't know how much time and money on a concrete patio in our back yard with a basketball hoop. We almost never used it.

       But in middle school, I met up with other nerds my age.(Not to be a cliché, but it was in Band Class) Once I had my fellow nerds about me, things leveled out. And once my growth spurts started to slow down, I was even able to play soccer in High School, but none of the sports I grew up loathing.

    But towards the end of my high school years, nerdiness started to become more trendy. I like to thank that to 20th Century Fox(the first Tobey Maguire Spider-Man came out my Junior year) and J.K Rowling. Harry Potter was dragons and wizards right? That's nerd stuff!

    These days, the nerd industry has expanded to greater heights than ever before. The second highest grossing film of all time was Avengers: Endgame. Released in 2019, it made a whopping 2.797 Billion (that's with a B) dollars, and the entire last hour of the film is non-stop fan service.

    Big Bang Theory, a TV series about 4 huge nerds, was so popular it ran for 12 seasons. That's two more seasons than Friends (which I also love). Mainstream, A-list stars run podcasts about their D&D games. And a kickstarter from a well-known fantasy author recently became the highest earning kickstarter of all time, blowing the previous record away. It's a great time to be a nerd.