In that time, not only did I fail to get published, I've actually gone backwards. I went from having a finished manuscript actively seeking agents, to having a jumbled mess of partially completed computer files, all at different stages of completion. I have been doing a massive re-write that rethink several of the major characters. I am just past the halfway point on the redo, and I don't know if I could drag my feet any harder.
A lot of my writing lately has been like this. Staring at the keyboard, blank page.
So, here we are on January first, first day of the year, time for resolutions. My new years resolution is the same exact thing it has been for the last 3 years - FINISH YOUR BOOK!!! For the last month I've even been doing that trick from 'The Secret'. Every morning, while I'm stumbling about the kitchen preparing my first cup of coffee, I take a pen and paper and write those words. FINISH YOUR BOOK!!! all caps, three exclamation points.(so far this has only been the secret to making myself feel bad.) Here's hoping that I get it done right this time, and a Happy 2023 to all of you.
So what exactly have I been doing with all my time if not getting the book done? I've been a professional dad. I have discovered a new understanding and respect for my mother (hi mom!). She kept a cleaner house, cooked healthier meals, and got less gray hairs than the experience has given me, all while working a full time job. I have no idea how she managed it all without killing the three of us, but mad props to mom.
I've picked a story from one of my little gremlins that I want to share in this post, because even though I love them with all my heart, that doesn't mean I haven't had to remind myself that murder is illegal, and my wife still expects two children when we go to bed at night.
How Canadians punish their toddlers.
My son, Ricardo Shilley-Shalley, (As always, names have been changed to protect those who are not innocent) has played hockey for the last few years. This year we had to cut the season short because the my entire household has been sick since October, but there are still plenty of highlights from his hockey career to choose from.
This particular event happened during the last game of the year last season. Have you ever shared a bit of trivia, some obscure fact that doesn't usually mean anything, with someone who shouldn't have that information? Maybe you let slip who your secret Santa was, maybe you inadvertently spoiled the end of a movie one time. Whenever I have one of these slips, my thinking is always the same:
1)Oops.
2)Shit.
3)Maybe he didn't hear me?
4)Damage control.
Such was the case toward the end of last hockey season. I was watching an NHL game with Ricardo and after a particularly nasty cross-check penalty, I said, "Did you know that its okay to hit people in hockey, so long as you do it right?"
My mind immediately went through the first 3 steps above. My then 6 year old son, who can still hardly keep upright on skates, definitely didn't need to start checking people on the ice. But a look of pure joy was already spreading across his face. Step 4 - damage control. I explained (vainly) that checking wasn't allowed in kids' hockey, that his coaches would teach him how when the time was right.
Didn't matter, of course. The very next practice, his coach had to pull me aside to tell me that he had been knocking down his teammates whenever one was in arm's reach. Luckily, the season was almost over, only one tournament left, and then the sweet sweet reprieve that comes when you know you don't have to cart them around for the next few weeks.
By the time that game day came, Ricardo had become quite familiar with the concept of the penalty box. (his coaches would make him serve the penalties he racked up throughout practices) Each time I helped him suit up, I would remind him of the rules, and tell him he was not allowed to to push, hit, trip, knock down, tackle, strike, smack, hook, pound, slam or touch any of the other players. It was like telling a bird it wasn't allowed to fly.
Hockey tournaments are designed so that the kids get to play as much hockey as can be crammed into a weekend. This particular tournament saw Ricardo playing four games in one day. He played the first three games with little incident, he didn't do anything to send him to the penalty box anyway. But by game number four, he was spent, tired, and touchy. (think any kid who really needs a nap) Game four, he didn't even make it through warmups.
For about 10 minutes before gametime, the kids just mill about on the ice, passing and shooting at empty nets, just basic stuff. I was watching Ricardo warm up (as parents do, where's my kid, what's he doing, and whatnot) and I saw him fall on the ice, no one to blame but himself mind you, just slipped on the ice and went sprawling. From his position, spread eagle, face down on the ice, I watched as he extended his stick out as far as he could, to snag and trip one of the kids from the other team.
Oh, it was on. Ricardo had managed to trip a kid who was just like him. The two spent the rest of warmups chasing around the ice, tripping each other. I was annoyed, thinking that I'd have to repeat the list of no-nos again after the game, but not worried about much else. Warmups ended, and I figured he'd get on with the game.
Wrong again. Ricardo seemed only slightly aware that a game was happening around him as he played head hunter on the ice. Rather than chase after the puck like everyone else (if you've ever watched a young kids' hockey or soccer game you've seen how this goes), he went from player to player peering into the helmets to see if it was the same kid that had tripped him during warmups.
For most of the game the two never saw the ice during the same shift. But I know my son, and my anxiety only grew as I watched him stalking the ice for this kid. It didn't happen until the third period. Long enough that I was starting to get that false sense of hope (maybe it wont happen after all!) But finally he saw the face he'd been looking for. The two saw each other from across the ice. All of the rest of the players were huddled in a corner, fighting over control of the puck. The rest of the rink was completely empty, save these two kids, rushing at each other like bulls charging.
It was the warmups all over again. Each kid would trip or tackle the other, then make a wild escape, trying to make sure they got the last say. Except this time they were doing it out on open ice with no hustle and bustle to mask their little war. Ricardo's coach ended up having to go out on the ice, pick him up, and carry him to the penalty box.
I got to hear it from the coach again after the game. Ricardo got to hear it again from me. I never did find out who the other kid was, for which I'm grateful. The last thing I needed was to hear it from another parent, but hey, maybe they were just as embarrassed as I was.
Happy New Year. Keep to your resolutions, I'm certainly going to try.
