Gentlemen, turn to your lady and give her a hearty thank you for all she does to make herself look good. She doesn't do it for her, she does that for you. It's a part of American society that we don't really pay attention to, and it is ingrained in us from a young age. My daughter will dutifully sit in my wife's lap for hours getting curlers and product put into her hair; being tugged, pulled, and primped into the perfect hair style. If you so much as approach my son with a hair brush he runs screaming because, "It hurts my head."
That is some gender inequality right there. And I won't even get into the crazy shit that grown women do for the sake of appearances.
If you don't think beauty is pain, take a look at any ballerina's feet.
American women spend on average $3,756 a year on their appearance. Surprisingly, men aren't far behind. Men spend an average of $2,928 on their appearance. I can promise you I am well below the average. (Sorry, dear wife.) So, when your wife or girlfriend comes home with a new look to show off, there is only one acceptable reaction, and that is "You look great, I love it."
This is marriage 101 of course, but after 16 years of marriage, I sometimes forget the basics. (sorry again dear.) I was reminded of this because I recently made a change to my appearance, and things...didn't turn out well.
I don't change my look. I don't know why, but once something is established and comfortable, I keep it as long as humanly possible. There have only been three times I can think of in my entire life that I have made a real change to my style. When I was in Elementary School, I had a bowl cut. I looked nerdy and eerily similar to Alfalfa from Little Rascals.
It's like looking into a nerdy little mirror.
I kept that haircut all the way through 7th grade. First day of Eighth grade I strut into class with a buzz cut, and received rave reviews. I got complemented on how good I looked by several girls I liked, and apparently that was all I needed to hear to rock that look for the next 24 years. I would style it here and there between cuts, but I always buzzed it back down when it got too long. Full disclosure - I did attempt to bleach my hair my Junior year. Eminem was new and SO COOL, I just had to try it. (As it turned out, my hair was too dark and the over the counter kit just left my hair an orange/bronze color. My friends called me copper-top for months)
So for the last decade and a half, my wife has been living with me and my buzz cut, and she has been begging for me to grow it out, or to "PLEASE DEAR GOD JUST DO SOMETHING WITH IT!". So for the last several months, I have been growing my hair out, and just yesterday, I got a perm.
Not a picture of me. His perm looks way better.
A perm! Big change you say. Well, as it turns out it was a lesser change that I made that ended up being the big news. I have always had dark head hair, and my facial hair has always been much lighter, almost blonde. It was a travesty when I was in high school, mourning that I would never have facial hair as dark as my head. I always wondered what I would look like if my facial hair matched my head hair. So, while I was getting my perm done, I had the stylist dye my facial hair too.
After months of growing out my hair, after years of my wife telling me how much she likes curls and positively begging me to get a perm, I strutted confidently home for the big reveal.
My wife laughed until she cried. My kids teased me, while howling with laughter. The dogs barked at me. They were so blown away by what I'd done to my facial hair that I had to point out I had gotten a perm. I gave it a day, I thought with time, they would get used to it and maybe even like it. Didn't work. I actually had to shave it clean to stop the tormenting.
So back to the original point. When somebody you love does anything to their appearance, no matter how hideous, break it to them gently. As soon as the perm washes out, know what I'm doing?
Getting a buzz cut.
Lmao
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